In recent days at the box, I've felt that something was missing. I've wanted to quit a few times. In all honestly, this isn't only at the box. This feeling is throughout my life.
In mulling this over, I believe that it's related to an accumulation of events over the past few years: my father's death, my kidney cancer, my dog Ben's death, my thyroid cancer, my daughter leaving for college and now my mother's death.
These are all things that one can expect in life. Deaths of loved ones, health challenges and changes in life. Over the past few years, I've been pretty resolute in dealing with these things and the other things that life throws at you day-to-day. This time, I'm feeling the drag.
Throughout my life, I've typically felt a gravitational pull-like force was driving me forward. I would have a goal (e.g., progressing in jujitsu training) that was fuel by opportunity, the innate human drive to advance and the context of the moment (e.g., mid-life crisis, proving others wrong).
These days, I feel as though my mother's passing combined with the prior events has temporarily disrupted the balance that fuels my motivation. I know that I need to recapture that to move forward and believe that it will manifest in the days ahead.
In the meantime, I'm still training and making the best of it. Yesterday, I did a 15/12/9/6 workout that included power cleans/toes-to-bar, front squats and box jumps. I did the workout Rx at 135 pounds and with a 24" box. I knew that I'd end up finishing last since most others were scaling. That turned out to be the case (as seen in the picture below). I finished in 21:06.
Today, I went to an instructional Oly class on Jerks and then did a team WOD. Not a bad showing overall. Did well on the strict presses but my pull-ups were poor today due to sore shoulders.
In the end, it's about continuing to take steps forward and work. If nothing else, I'm a grinder.